The Lord has been really teaching me a lot this semester. I wish I could articulate every lesson, but for the most part, all I know is that He's been working on the little details of me and my life. A lot of what He's done really can't be put in to words.
I still think of myself as a kid, mostly. But then I realize, my coworkers don't see me that way. They see me as a young woman. Because that's really what I am. I may still be a college student, but I am an adult. I pay my own bills, buy my own food and I'm paying my way through college on my own. I make the important decisions in my life. It's kind of weird to realize all this. I know my parents will help me out if I need it, but I can get by without them. Not that I will turn away free money, haha. Sometimes I worry about finances, but I know my Heavenly Father will provide for me. My current job is going to really really slow down come January. I may need to take a second job to make ends meet, but I know that the Lord will tell me if that's what I need to do, and I know he'll provide a job that I enjoy that fulfills me.
I feel like this semester I have really just come in to my own as a woman and as an adult. I don't know how to really put it in words. The Lord has been helping me to put money away and to have better spending habits. He's blessed me with money to pay on my student loans. I know what is in my immediate future, and I'm at peace with not knowing beyond that. And I am secure in who I am in Christ. My friend Lucy and I discovered several months back that we were almost 10 years apart in age. It was a bit of a surprise. She remarked that I seem older because I seem so confident in myself. And I believe this to be pretty true. Pastor Steven Furtik said in a sermon that "When you tell Christ who He is, He'll tell you who you are." I think this is a great sentence to know, because is is so true! I know who Christ is, and what He means to me, and through His word, He has shown me what I should be. He has spoken to my heart and revealed His feelings for me and helped me to see who He wants me to be. He has provided struggles and victories that have shaped me. He has given me friends and coworkers that are just amazing. And even if He took them away from me, I would still be okay! He has taught me how to rely completely on Him for my relational needs. I've come to find that if I let Him fill my "love tank" in the morning before my day starts, any nice word or gesture from anyone else just sends it to overflowing! It's a joy to live like that! (Now if only I could discipline myself to do that every morning!)
The Lord has really just been blessing me right and left this semester. That's not to say that I haven't shed more than enough tears this semester, I have! But being with Him through it all makes everything sweet. I know that in the end it will all work together for my benefit! I try to take every obstacle and heart ache in step. But as I said, He has blessed me with some amazing Sisters and Brothers of faith! I can name 3 women I can call whenever, and know they'll listen to me. The Lord has provided me such a spirit of unity with each of them. It's always amazing to speak with someone for the first or second time, and just know that the Lord has ordained that friendship. And to know something great will come of it! I wouldn't trade those 3 ladies for the world! And I have some great Brothers as well; they push me and challenge me in ways my Sisters can't. Mostly in the realm of my patience. But still, haha.
Now, as far as my not dating: That is going well :) Some days are harder than others. Like the days where I don't count on the Lord to take care of the needs and wants of my heart. But He is good to me and helps me through. Some days I really want to just daydream about a wedding (and somedays I'm bad and I do). Some days I just want to text or message a guy and set up a hang out session, all with the purpose of trying to make a relationship happen. But the Lord has helped me out a lot. He'll put a check on my heart when I have ulterior motives. He reminds me of my commitment and the glory it brings to Him. And He reminds me of the little sweet lessons I've learned already. And He whispers to me of great things to come as I stay devoted to Him. I am grateful for this time as a single woman. It frees me to follow His will recklessly. I have no one to check in with or run my plans by but the Lord. It's amazing. I even have a hard time picturing a man in my life. Of course, I would like to one day get married, but I don't see that day as being any time soon. I feel the Lord is leading me to stay in Boone after I graduate. Maybe for grad school. Maybe to find a full time job. Only He knows. But I just have a hard time seeing a man in my life! I know when the time is right, and God intends me to marry, He will send my husband along. But now I'm perfectly happy with only one man in my life, God.
Well, this has gone on far too long. Sorry it's so scattery. And congratulations if you actually read the whole thing. You get a gold star :D
